stuff...

So it’s been a long time since I’ve updated this.  I figured it was about time to recount some of the stuff that’s been going on with me.

Graduation is in less than three weeks.  I’m not sure how I feel about it.  I’m excited mostly because it means I won’t have to do work for the summer…well…apart from working at my favorite place in the whole world.  And I’m working at LCCC again this summer as a wilderness counselor.  I’m pretty excited about it.

I recently finished two capstones.  I feel good about that.  Now I just have some small stuff to get done before the end of the year.  However, it just happens that all of those things I need to do are going to be occurring on the exact same day. :0)

I’ve been doing a lot of rock climbing recently.  If I had to guess four years ago what activities would interest me now, I’m fairly certain rock climbing wouldn’t have been on the list.  My mom got me some gear for my birthday.  So I have my own shoes and harness and stuff.  Mike and I have been going pretty much twice a week for the last couple of months.  I finally feel like I’m improving.  On Saturday I finally made it up this one climb that I had been working on for what seems like forever.  I was pretty proud of myself.  Anyway, if you ever want to go climbing, we go to McConnell’s Mill pretty often.  Just let me know!

So, last May 1st, Mike and I broke up.  It’s weird to think how much can change in a year.  Now I find myself completely in love with the guy who broke my heart a year ago.  There’s something about that experience, though, that makes me feel so much more certain of the fact that I want to spend the rest of my life with Mike.  He is amazing in ways that I can’t even begin to describe now.  ***

I should probably work on stuff, but I don’t want to.  Bleh.  But if I don’t I could find myself in trouble.  Oh well.  I have time tomorrow…I’ll get it done. :-P

My last spring break

My last spring break as an undergrad student is virtually over.  This is one of two spring breaks where I actually traveled somewhere.  This is the first spring break in which I planned ahead of time to go somewhere.  Libby and I went to VA a couple of years ago, but in our usual manner, that was a completely impromptu endeavor.

We went to NYC for a few days.  Well, really we went to Nyack, NY and then spent one day in NYC.  I really love that city, but with each visit, my feelings toward it change a little.  I love the steady flow of energy of the streets and I love the food and the people.  I think I love it because it encompasses all that is real and gritty about being human and being alive.  There’s a dirty film covering everything in the city, and I like it because it reminds me that even though I’ve been “redeemed” that film covers me too.  

I got to finish a book over break.  I read Real Sex: the Naked Truth About Chastity by Lauren Winner.  I’ve read quite a few of the relationship/sex books written for Christians.  This is the first one that I’ve read and thought, “Hey, I could actually apply this book to my life.”  In it, she discusses a lot of the lies that the church tells about sex (premarital sex isn’t fun, you’ll feel like an awful person if you have sex, women don’t like sex, etc).  I could talk more about the content, but if you’re interested I’d recommend just reading the book.  The book made me think a lot about myself as a sexual creature (and now you’re thinking, O Lord, Nadia…please don’t talk about that!).  I recognize that as a human I am susceptible to desire.  And now that I’m in a relationship (with a wonderful boy who loves me and wants to be with me for a long time :-)) I’ve thought a lot more about sex and what role it plays and will play in my life.

I guess I never really had a good reason to say no to sex before marriage even though I’m committed to abstinence.  I’ve always felt (more or less) that sex is a personal decision made for personal reasons.  I still believe that, but Lauren Winner’s book has opened my mind to the more communal aspects of sexual behavior, in that it impacts you in such a way as to merit other people knowing about what you do with your significant/random other.  The book convicted me a lot, while reminding me that God created our bodies for service to him.  While my body is mine now, I realize how much I want to surrender it to purposes higher than the physical.

Another thing that all of this had lead me to think about is the idea that our past sexual encounters never fully leave us.  Even though I have no past encounters to speak of, I can testify to the strength of those memories experienced vicariously.  I know that my heart hurts for the things that some of the people in my life have experienced.  And I know that those things not only affect the one who experienced them, but can also continue to hurt and influence the other people in that person’s life.  Everything in life has some affect on us, but I can recognize the unique nature of this sort of experience.  There’s a world of hurt there that I can’t even begin to fathom.

I don’t know why I talked about all of this, but I did.  I have about two months until I graduate, and that’s scary.  It’s also kind of exciting because it means I get to go to seminary and work at camp again this summer.  Good stuff.

stuff...

It’s been a while since I’ve updated this thing, so I figured since I’m in the mood for procrastination, that I would take the opportunity right now.  It’s been a good month…a full month.  I passed my senior recital hearing this week and the recital is in two weeks.  I’m actually excited about it, which is a weird feeling.  Being in 2 capstones kind of stinks, but I figure it could be a lot worse.  I got accepted to Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and I’m pretty sure that’s where I’m going to go next year.  Mike and I went on our first date to a monster truck rally last weekend (so that’s kind of a lie…we actually went to Rachel’s on our first date the night before, but I think it’s more fun to say that a monster truck rally was the first date).  This year was my first Valentine’s Day actually being in love with someone, and it gave me a new appreciation for it.  Mostly, being in love gives you a new appreciation for a lot of things.  It’s surprising what I’ve learned in that arena in the last month or so, but I’m thankful for every moment and I’m pretty sure I’ve never been happier. :-)  I interviewed to work at Ligonier again this summer…only on Wilderness staff.  Mike plans on coming back too.  So it should be a fun summer, assuming I’ll be able to work there.

Basically, life is good.  I’m happy and I’m busy and my life is full of God’s blessings.  I’m not sure I could have said that several months ago, and it feels good to be able to say that now.  

So I might have gotten another tattoo...

Last night Sarah Louise and I were chilling at the Sphinx on the South Side when we started talking about tattoos.  We were discussing possible tattoos for the future and she mentioned that she wanted to get a star behind her ear.  I, too, had been considering getting a star tattoo and so as an act of bonding and mutual rebellion we decided to both get star tattoos last night.

I don't think the picture gives an entirely accurate view of the tattoo.  Mostly cause I took it myself and it's still has the stencil outline and it's poofy...cause...well...it's an open wound. :-P  It is indeed of three stars.  The two little ones are purple, and the on in the middle is purple fading up to pink.  When I saw it last night as I was laying in the chair I squealed with delight.  That was after I resisted the urge to scream in pain.  You see, said tattoo is located on my hip bone (risque!) and it hurt like a mother to get.  The one I got over the summer didn't hurt because there was plenty of muscle beneath it.  This one hurt super bad.  But I'm a trooper.

Anywho.  Wanted to share that with y'all. 

In other news...heading back to school tomorrow... 

stuff

So my big brother got married two days ago.  I can’t believe Bryan Tarantina is someone’s husband and will probably be someone’s father soon.  Jamin and I trekked to VA for the wedding.  It was really pretty.  While he was standing at the altar, Bryan gave me a big smile and I about died.  I know he’s so in love with Amberly and I’m very happy for him.

I’m feeling poor right now.  The new car has been expensive.  I’m happy I did it, but I don’t feel as if I can spend any money in right conscious.  Meanwhile, I purchased a pair of jeans today.  However I mostly bought them because they were a size 8 and I haven’t fit into a size 8 since middle school.  Not gonna lie…I was a little excited. :-P

My Pittsburgh Seminary application is almost done.  Gotta work on the “personal statement” a little more and get some forms filled out, but for the most part it’s finished.  

The weekend of the first, Mike came up and had dinner and then we went to New Wilmington for New Years.  It’s a funny thing…missing someone.  What I wouldn’t give for a hug right now…  I wondered, as we started over, if I wanted to try again.  The last time we dated, it wasn’t good.  But now, I’m in awe of what this is like – what it’s like to be loved like this and to love.  Just good. (    

After the first, we drove to Ligonier for the reunion.  Sweet times.  It was amazing going back and seeing everyone.  It made me want to work there again next summer, and I super duper hope that I’ll be able to.  I miss that place and those people so much.  

Well it’s time for other things.  Later.

kinda touchy...

So this guy on Fox News just got done saying that Brokeback Mountain was made as a gay propaganda tool, and then went on to discuss the "evils" of homosexuality while an in-studio audience gladly applauded him.  My first question is, how is it okay to release films where people are viciously tortured, murdered, and raped, and where scenes of graphic sex pour eagerly into our homes and local movie theaters, but it isn’t okay to release a movie that deals with two men who fall in love?  

I don't understand how the evangelical right can point fingers saying that this movie is "pro-gay propaganda" while not admitting that their own talking heads are spreading an even more malicious propaganda of hate.

Maybe I should preface this entry with a disclaimer, but I think it’s too late.  Alas, I have been liberalized.  That’s what some would argue I guess.  And by even bringing up this issue, I find myself trapped.  For some, support of gay rights automatically makes me a heretic.  But if I say that I don’t advocate the gay lifestyle, then I become nearly inhuman.  It’s a ridiculous catch 22.  The truth is, I do support gay rights and believe that a person’s particular sexuality has very little to do with his or her humanity.  By that I mean that it is not okay to retract love and decency from a person simply because you don’t agree with a persons choice/predisposition towards attraction to members of the same sex.

Now if we play the Bible card, as most Christians do, the Christian finds him or herself in an interpretive predicament.  I’m not going to go into the verses where homosexuality is addressed.  I don’t feel that I’m qualified (even after 4 years of undergraduate religious studies) to tackle this interpretive issue.  What angers me more is the use of the Bible to propagate hate.  Since when was the Bible a tool to be used to attack people?  But for many, that is one of several self-centered uses God’s word offers.  Can we, in right conscious and right standing, really believe that it’s okay to use the Bible to condemn people?  Are we so naïve as to think that it is our role to condemn anyone at all?

This isn't about right versus wrong, homosexual versus heterosexual, or about good and evil.  I, personally, don't worship a God of hate, and nor will I stand beside a position that advocates hate...regardless of the context.  I’ve heard someone say that “Jesus doesn’t like homosexuals.”  I guess all I have to say to that is, “What?!”  You know, I don’t know what Jesus would say about this movie or about the ordination of homosexuals.  And I think we do a disservice to Jesus by putting words into his mouth, when he never spoke of these issues at all.  

There’s a common phrase I hear:  “Don’t hate the sinner, hate the sin.”  I think that statement in itself passes judgment.  I’ve used that phrase many times, and I’ll probably use it again, but for right now I want to take a moment to consider my own motives.  Maybe you can take a moment to consider yours as well.  Mostly, I wonder about the future of the church, and I wonder how it will survive when the only voices many hear from it are voices of hate.  I think we’re in the midst of an identity crisis as a church, and I can only pray we find a voice of love in the midst of politics and self-righteousness.  

i bought a car!

It's only been a week since I updated last, but lots and lots has happened. Take the following picture for instance. This is my new car:

It's a 2002 Dodge Neon with about 58,000 miles on it. I got a good deal, so I bought it. I'm pretty darn excited. I am not excited about the monthly payment, though. Guess I'm growing up.

I also got a digital camera for christmas, hence the picture posting. :-P

My dad is in town for a couple of days and we're hanging out. It's nice to have some time to hang out with him. The Ligonier reunion is this weekend and I'm super excited. I got to see Jill last week and that was awesome. I really missed her...as I miss a lot of people.

So I saw The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe last week. I was a little disappointed by it. It would have been hard to live up to my expectations...considering it's one of my favorite books ever.

Not entirely sure what I'm doing for the first. I think Mike and I are gonna hang out, which is exciting. If you wanna hang out with us, let me know. :-)

Thought I had more to say, but I guess I don't. Back to watching trashy TV.